The Journey of a couple of budding Pick Up Artists

Friday, June 30, 2006

Men and Women

I am sure you've all seen it before, but it wouldnt hurt to see it once again... Its so true though.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Dimitri's post on Loyalty

From a post in Thundercat's Seduction Lair
    Dimitri wrote:
    If there's one thing I'm able to do well, it's get loyalty in my relationships. It was a hard-won battle, though... if any of y'all know my story, I got into the game when my girlfriend whom I loved dearly slept with one of my friends.

    It put me into a slump for a while, but eventually I crawled out and started working on my social skills. And the ride's been amazing... one of the best things to ever happen to me.

    But even months, maybe years into my development, I was sleeping with girls but not able to convert them to girlfriends. I was doing something 'wrong'.

    As it turns out, it's one of the reasons I reached the level I'm at. Of the first half-dozen, dozen women I slept with after getting into the community, there's a few I'd have settled with if they'd have settled with me.

    But they didn't. That nagging problem. Sex but no conversion. No girlfriend. No loyalty.

    Over time, I developed the skills to hold down relationships through trial and error, and actually came to excel in them. When you start off below average in something and work hard, you've got a lot of potential to get very good if you're driven.

    Now, the exciting part.

    Recently, I've been codifying what I do to convert my girls so well. To get such loyalty. I want something done? I snap my fingers, it's done.

    Open loyal relationships, where I sleep with other women, she knows it, and most of them don't sleep with over men. Not to the mention that the girls cook for me, come over to my place and clean it when I tell them to, take me to dinners and buy me gifts.

    And of course, sex when, how, and how much I want, whenever I want, however want. That's just a given.

    My paradigm:

    Everyone has problems in their life. All people are unhappy about some stuff, some of the time. Even the most together people around, when you get to know them well, have plenty of problems.

    There's only two ways to deal with these problems we have. You distract yourself from them, or you find a solution to them. Either you're doing nothing, or doing something.

    And everyone likes both distractions and solutions.

    The key is, you must work in a general positive direction on your problems. Control your distractions, or even make them positive ones like exercising or a creative project on the side.

    This isn't difficult.

    But the key to loyalty in relationships is that you must be a solution for the girl, not a distraction. Or at least perceived as such.

    Men try to fix problems in a logical way. You might too.

    But often this isn't the best way to fix a woman's problems. I'll refer you to the readings of Franco Zarathustra on this one, his writings on here are very comprehensive on how to deal with women and be a positive force on their life without falling into traditional "guy problems".

    So if you want real loyalty, you must be seen as a solution for the woman. You don't have to be actively fixing her problems.

    You just need to be a solid bastion in her life, or seen as a potential solution down the road. If you can make her feel safe or protected, you're acting as a solution. If she sees you as a potential marriage partner, she sees you as a solution. If she is a better person around you, who can express her hopes and dreams, you're a solution.

    So what was I doing wrong before?

    I was acting purely as a distraction. My old style of socializing with women was all about entertainment in the early stages, and hedonism if it got any further than that.

    I made her forget her problems for a bit.

    But I never acknowledged that she had any problems in her life. Or that I did.

    It was just a fantasy. If you're just a distraction to her, she can toss you for any other distraction. Liquor, entertainment, other men, drugs, whatever.

    If you're a solution, she'll become extremely loyal. To the point where she'd give her life to save yours.

    Now allow me to give some credit to my good friend Woodhaven. When I was breaking down my this conception to him a bit back, he and I started talking, and we flushed out another element of the solution/distraction idea.

    Everyone needs distractions in their life to some extent. And the more reliant on distractions someone is, the more they need to function.

    Strong people with a good focus can interact positively with each other to the gain of both with minimal distraction. The more reliant someone is on distraction, they made need intoxicants to simply converse with someone on a basic level.

    What this means in terms of gaming:

    The more a woman's life is filled with distractions, the more of a distraction you'd need to be up front to bed her.

    So if you don't want women of lesser mental and emotional caliber, play a game based strongly on mutual value, and make an effort not to be an entertainer. This will automatically screen out most low self-esteem women.

    On the other hand, some of the hottest women turn heavily to distraction. Drugs, drinking, partying, men. If you want a woman like this, early game based on distraction/entertainment will be effective.

    You need to balance the two. I, myself, do what I call two-tiered screening.

    When I approach a woman, I like to keep the options of what I am and could be to her open. I find out if she's a girl that's capable of mutual value escalation (a term for two people benefiting at the same time, and neither losing) and if she's a quality girl.

    If she is, I won't entertain. I'll relax, talk with her, and keep it light and fun. When the moment is right, I'll bed her, then I'll hold her close and tell me everything she holds close to her.

    I'll rock her back and forth and let her cry in my arms. Even if I don't do anything specifically to fix her problems, she will feel my strength and feel safe and grounded.

    That's best-case for me.

    On the other hand, if she fails the first round of screening, but I'd still like to bed her for some reason I'll go to playing a game based on distraction and entertainment. I'll focus on having a high impact, charged encounter, with lots of outrageous stuff.

    This approach is about being the best distraction available to a woman. Being more fun than drinking and drugs, and more of a good time than any of the other guys around.

    If your goal is to sleep with as many women as possible, becoming the best distraction from their lives will help in your promiscuity.

    If your goal is to cultivate loyalty and solid relationships, then becoming a solution by self-improvement and game based on being a leader and mutual value is the answer.

    If your goal is to sleep with any particular woman, or have a very high conversion rate, then you need to become good at assessing the balance of distraction and solution the specific woman in front of you has.

    There are masters of all three of these arts. And they are all useful, wonderful things to learn.

    If you want to the learn the game that'll help you attract beautiful women, especially those in high-distraction areas like nightclubs, I recommend the writings of Mystery and Tyler. They have some powerful things to this end, especially to help stand out against your environment and competition.

    If you want loyalty in the end, you'll need to be able to transition your role in her life from distraction to solution. To that end, I suggest reading Player Supreme. He has some excellent writings on this, and blends spirituality and practicality well.

    If you want the highest of conversion rates, read about men who subtly demonstrate that they can be a solution through light, subtle and playful distractions. Men like Razorjack, Woodhaven, and Zan excel at this - It's a style where your distractions themselves communicate that you could be a solution, and while difficult to grasp at first, is very rewarding.

    These styles aren't mutually exclusive: They simply take a while to learn, but the effort is well-worth it. If you can master all three, you can get literally anything you want from women anywhere in the world by snapping your fingers.

More PUA blog stuff

When searaching for "Mutual Value Escalation". I cam across another PUA blog:

Psyneh Seduction

The sex revolution blog is being redesigned again, it looks better but its not working properly, it is immensely frustrating!

Energy - Charmed

Thinking back in all those times I succeeded, and those that I failed, there seems to be a common theme amongst them. I talked about charming a girl before, but I have missed one very important thing -- Girl love to be charming themselves! Often, girls are heavily engaged in me as long as I was charmed by them. Once l started loosing it, the vibe is gone, and the girls might even resent that (depending on their defensiveness). This is pretty consistent.

It is a charged energy - when you first met a person, you are fascinated and curious about her. You get excited, and you are charmed by her initially. She then feeds off that energy and you can charm her back. But chances are, there will be more and more things to dissipate that energy as time goes by. For example, experience differences, opinion differences, friends interrupting, mental blocks, think about what to say, snapping back to reality, a weird dog walked by... etc. You loose that charged energy and all of a sudden, you form an impression of each other and that would be it - friend zone.

The only way to hold her in the fascinated zone is to be charmed by her. This is the energy you need. Without it, even SS can't help you. Once you are not charmed by her, they can pick it up almost instantaneously, no matter how careful you are. To them, it is a subliminal message: "I am not interested in you and you are not worth my time." She feels she is anti-charming and defensiveness rises. I hate to say it, but it seems like the Natural game's Mutual value escalation or something.

Difficulty in controlling conversation

I have grown more mindful of my conversations with people recently and can pick out some of the problems I have. Recently, I find myself being unable to lead a conversation. What I can do is to like the people, be interested them as well as genuinely appreciate in them. This has proven to make a dramatic difference in my interactions and shall remain the basis for any future interactions. However, it is not enough.

Time and time again, I find myself in situations where the other person is in "zones", they are in their head-space. These subjects are difficult, there is a big layer to go through. Even when I like them, be interested in them, and genuinely appreciate them, they will still corner themselves in the conversation. I can use reflective listening and presumptive commenting to push the conversation, but these methods fall short.

Its not like they don't work, they do, and I can get a rise out of them... but only for awhile. First, I have to mention that I make a rule to only perform/entertain once or twice in an interaction. I do not let myself fuel the conversation, I encourage the other person to fuel it. The vacuum works but it is only temporary, you usually get one or two more attempts from them and that would be it. Not sustainable. Next, I tried focusing on the feelings and energies of their exchange by emphasising on the emotional parts of it but they would not be able to pick it up and say would either stay in fluff, or saying something dead ended.

The problem is that it became too much about the topic, too much about the context of the conversation, where both parties have quite a different point of view of the same thing. Not knowing what to do, they will try a few more contextual exchanges but will soon run out, or they will use fluff. Both of these methods are unsustainable and inevitably, the interaction dulls, get awkward, and dies. I don't know what to do in these situations... I used to try to fuel these kind of interactions but from experience, this is an act to take on the responsibility of being "the boring one". Because you WILL run out of things to say, and it is YOU who failed to fuel it, not them. If you stop doing that, stop being a chump, a wuss, then at least the burden is on her, you can accept her boringness and you leave each other in a better note.

This is a failure in making a connection and I am not happy about that. I feel like I cannot get the other person to be real. The interaction is uncomfortable and they were forced to push a conversation. How can I make it easy for others to be real? HOW HOW HOW?

I think I am too harsh on myself. In ALL conversations/interactions, I left in a good note, the interaction is generally pleasent and the uncomfortableness can barely be registered because I am so relaxed and accepting. I wanted to get to know the person too quickly, I wanted to concour them on the spot. This is actually impossible sometimes because of either the person, or the situation. In fact, you might not be able to do that with your friends.

Movie: Superman Returns

Went to see Superman today. It got me thinking: Superman is kinda like a pick up artist (S = Studman :p). Men have the power (and desire) to attract women and to give women pleasure -- a power that can be put into good use, or abused. Society in general is fearful of this power and indeed, there is no shortage of those who abuse this power irresponsibly.

At the same time, we also have an inherent desire to be accepted, but we cannot do it the way we really are. We use our alter egos to blend in with society -- we are the lawyer, the doctor, the HR manager, that sales representative... We are sensible, responsible, professional, and we compromise, acting like... someone else; someone whom we thought we ought to be, someone who we think is "normal". Remember Bill's monologue in Kill Bill 2 ? "Clark Kent did not become Superman... Superman became Clark Kent so that he could blend in."

Who Louis Lane loves is not Clark Kent, She loves Superman -- The man who can bring adventure, wonder, and indulgence in the senses. The man who is her saviour, a saviour who can unchain her from the confines of society. Louis was uplifted by her involvement with superman. Clark on the other hand, is frail, timid and is vulnerable to the onfines of society. Nonetheless, as much as Clark wants to reveal his true identity as superman, he couldn't do it.

The Pick up artists lives two lives. During the day we work as responsible, sensible, understand and compromising "nice guys", and when we are out, we emerge out of our office suits as Studman, picking up babes, doing what men are designed to do. We have the power of superman to enslave the heart of Louis Lane, but when Monday comes, we are back in our offices, being our normal, usual chump.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Movie: Shallow Hal

Was watching this with Helen last saturday. In the movie, Hal was shallow because of his father's dying words, he told him to never settle for 2nd best, go for the best looking women. Which he did, subconscously, hes pressured himself to go after the hottest girls only -- who only rejected him. His friend Mauricio had a similar problem, fearing rejection from girls because of his birth defect - having a tail, he pre-empt them by ditching them, finding the smallest flaws. When Hal and Mauricio was picking up the hot chicks, Helen remarked: "How come it is always the weird and ugly guys who would go picking up the hot girls?" She thought thats because the uglier guys are rejected a lot, so they might think "If I am going to be rejected anyway, why not rejected by hot girls?"

As with anything else pyschological, there is a source to our shallowness. And it is not unchangeable.

Funny thing is, I can relate to a lot of these ideas. I too, am shallow, and for ALL the reasons why Hal and Mauricio were shallow. It can be traced back to the time when I broke up with my serious relationship of 5 years. She was average looking (but awesome at many other aspect) and I have given up many other hotter gals to stay with her. Back then, it was worth it, but when we broke up, I thought to myself "what? this is what I've got? I compromise on her looks for nothing?" Since then, I have told myself, I will not be a wussbag, only going for average girls. I realised that the average girl are not more loyal, nor happy with you than the hot ones. Since then, I have always adopted a philosophy of "never date anyone less than your ex" Fucked you say? I know... Unfortunately, its been so well built in my psyche that I've forgotten about it.

Now, I know that hotter girl are not necessarily worse in personality or would like you less. In fact, less attractive girls can have way more issues than attractive girls. These added to my rational processing -- Hal was shallow because of a psychological background, not naturally. Hal was "hypnotised" according to Tony Robbins in the movie... Well, it is kinda true for me too, I put myself in a stupid frame to force myself to go for the hotter girls. In effect, I fail to appreciate average girls -- kinda too high a standard. I heard this from many of my good friends before and perhaps they are right? There is some deep rooted issue here. I need to figure it out.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Sticking points from April posts analysis

1/. I am a superficial, shallow fuck, I go for the desirable girls and ignore the not so desirable ones. I cannot really see them for who they are, I cannot find their attractiveness quickly, I make excuses, thinking they are unattractive in an effort to prevent my own insecurities. I tend to set myself up for disappointment by setting bad expectations.

2/. I am still a chump, I am afraid of telling a girl "I want you." I am still making excuses as to "I need to provide relationship to earn her". I am in my head, instead of knowing exactly what I want from girls, instead of thinking how to escalate, how to kino, I was in my head. I need to work on heavy kino.

3/. I have approach anxiety, I have the "now what" symptom during opening. I dont know how to fluff. I need to be able to be confident about an interaction and learn how to fluff properly.

4/. Hot girls intimidate me. When I interact with them, I will be magically transformed into a CHUMP. I behave like a shy teenage girl with an attitude... I have been focusing on their flaws to solve this problem, which sucks because I need to be able to appreciate the way they are while still keeping my cool. (I have the problem of Hal's friend in the movie Shallow Hal).

5/. I am still weak in terms of approval seeking, validation seeking. I tend to argue and I get angry, loosing my cool. I tend to force my say into conversations. I need better strategy. I am still too needy. I need to get rid of that chump in me. Stop talking about yourself, seeking for approval/validation. I still suffer from not being goal oriented when I communicate.

6/.I need to learn how to be a challenge and provide opportunities. I don't know what providing challenges mean and I have been wasting decent opportunities to wait for the "perfect" one.

7/. I need to master the Juggler method and I need more field work!

Random review of April thoughts #5

What I'd really appreciate in a girl.
- Kinda a cat that think it is a dog.
- The opposite of timidity
- The opposite of dependency
- The opposite of docile
- Sexiness

Actually, I think what I really want is to be able to chat up some really cute girls. I want them to love me love me.

Clearly, I have changed so much since April, project Unlearn, Relean and Redefine seems to have worked. However, I think there are lots of deeper problems that I have not pin point yet. I need to find those out. I really do. Does it every go away? I'd hope so.

My attitude towards people have changed too, I just like people in general, and I have things I can do to make them like me. I intend to get more and more of those skills. As for my attitude towards everything else, I just take it as is, and its all good.

Fluff is still a probing tool for me. Now, I will also use probe to achieve a certain effect in the target -- this is the primary objective of fluff to me.

I am still too needy. I need to get rid of that chump in me. Stop talking about yourself, seeking for approval/validation. It seems that I already understood Juggler's stuff back in April, but its harder than it sound, and even today, it make sense, and I can kinda do it, but I seem to have lost it now. I think I am running out of new people to charm. As I said elsewhere, charm doesnt' work on people who you know well. I am kinda stuck with girls I've known since back in April and I probably need new targets.

It seems that the idea of "the longer you take, the more difficult your sarge will be" applies! It is almost impossible for me to do anything now. those who you knew for months are in a weird Zone... the unreachable zone. Maybe there are other methods to solve this problem?

I was exposed to Gunwitch late April. My impression was that it was amazing, and I still think it is. There are many situations where Gunwitch would have worked. I have let myself do more Gunwitch style recently and I got away with it. In some situations, a full on, hardcore, sexually charged approach actually works better. Fuck talking and connections... you just want sex!

Girls laughing at my jokes now becomes a self-fulfilling thing. Even if its fake in the beginning, I am sure it will get really real at the end. I think this is because of their openness, they are willing to let me understand me, connected to my jokes. Thats sexy.

As for "To compliment or not to compliment?" OF COURSE COMPLIMENT! But what I've learnt is that compliment must be followed by cheekiness or by taking advantage of them. Say nice legs and touch them, say nice boobs and touch them. Its wussy behaviour to compliment and then do nothing about it. Compliment and violate them, they never get mad! you will get away with it! In fact, if you only compliment, you will be resented, or dis-respected eventually.

I no longer have problem with escalation per se. My problem is commitment. I do not commit to physical approaches. I am reluctant to take responsibility. I have too much weird expectation - I tend to imagine how things are like before hand and then I freak myself out when it doesn't match. Hmmm... I am seriously fucked.

Oh god, one thing I notice is that I really lack skills in providing opportunities - This might include time, space, mood, whatever. Or am I waiting for the "perfect" moment too much? Maybe I can do more at non-optimal moments and I misjudge an opportunity as moot?

Hmmm, I have totally forgotten about "give to the giver and take from the taker". I guess I have taken the lesson in the form of "don't listen to what they way." I mean, not literally, only read into their non-verbals. What you really have to do is to dis-regard what they say they need and just do whatever feels right.

I have incorporated assumptive statements (in the form of quasi-questions) in my arsenal of conversation skills. I have also learnt to do more open ended questions, but I still find that is not a complete cure. This is not because of me, its about the subject, some people just don't know how to open up or carry on an engaging conversation. -- Hmmm, openinging + fluff skills needed.

Recurring problem

It is really weird. There is a recurring problem that I am having and it is getting really annoying and frustrating. So much that I kinda expect it, and begin to not notice it consciously, but really feeling it.

This is the problem: - I tend to attract some girls, whom are out of my expectations. I mean, they are not ugly, just not what I expected, otherwise, they are pretty hot themselves. Then, I will have opportunities to have score them, but I won't because they did not fit my expectation. As I get to know them, I miss out all my opportunities, but thats also when I begin to really see them for who they are and really want them. And that's also when I loose my window of opportunities. Then, I end up being friends with them.

In those moments where I have opportunities presented to me, my feeling is usually "huh? what? why? What am I going to do? What happens after next? This is not supposed to happen!" I then kinda let the moment past by wondering what should I do. It seems so foreign to me... What is this? What is this problem? It is almost similar to my approach anxiety. I would give out good vibe, make good EC or even smile, but when the opportunity presents itself, I give up.

WTF! I fucking hate this.


Hi, I have overwhelmed myself. I've spent an entire week working on the Charm post and I still feel like it is a piece of crap. It is an overview afterall. There are no details in it what so ever. What I felt like is that there are so much information out there and I only know a tiny aspect of it. Even then, I cannot comprehend or digest the stuff I've been focusing on so far. Think this suggests mental indigestion. I think I need to take a break and stop going any further until I got what I've got handelled.

First thing I am going to do is to finish off How to win friends and influence people. Then, study the Juggler method extensively. It is a system that I subscribe to teh most considering my existing ethics. Then, I will not go any further until I am an expert in it. Over the weeks, I will catch up with the April reviews. In the future, at the end of each month, I will have a monthy review of my progress and then, in the middle of the month, I will renew and compose my goals and objectives.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

More PUA blogs

I came across another PUA blog in Blogger: You're My New Girlfriend. This guy is way advanced but it is still interesting to read. Lots of cool stuff there.

There is another guy I came across though, but not a blogger blog: Who loves you baby? This is not as fun, but also a bit interesting, hes probably in the early stages though.

Melissa Theuriau clips

You've done it Jimmy, you've given me another obsssion! you fuck!


Stop thinking about what you can get from a woman, strat thinking about what they are trying to get out of you!

Neediness and Defensiveness are your worse enemies, sure signs of chumpiness.

From Jimmy:
- He who hesitates, masturbates.
(From Ross Jeffries: He who supplicates, masturbates)
- An ugly girl is like a moped, ride it but don't tell your friends.
(From Austin Powers: Shes a village bicycle, everybody get a ride)

Friday, June 23, 2006

Soccer Fan of the Week

I've been watching a lot of soccer lately :)

Well done Socceroos!!!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Charm your way into her heart

Charm is a powerful tool in exerting your presence - Your presence in people's minds and hearts. It is a way to create a desire for you in other people's minds. It is magical, it is hypnotic. Your targets will have no choice but to like you. It is predominantly platonic but subtly sexual. It is one of the most effective way to set yourself up for an intimate interaction or instill sexual tension into your target.

Chapter 1: Introduction

The most important element of seduction is the presence of you in your target's minds. Nothing is going to happen if your target is pre-occupied by other things, or is unaware of you. Your goal then, is to extract your target out of their own little world, and infiltrate their minds with an alternate reality - YOUR REALITY. This is the outcome of charm.

To charm is to create an enchantment, capturing the mind of your target. It is a form of hypnosis. The charmed ones are filled with the thoughts of you - How wonderful you are, how much fun you are, how nice and exciting you are. This is because you indulge them in their senses. You appeal to their vanity, ego, self esteem and insecurities. You are treated at worse, a stimulating distraction and at best, a solution to all their problems. Wanting more, they go through great lengths to possess you. They supplicate, they seek approval. In your presence, they are entranced: her eyes glittering, pupil dilated, hands fidgeting with her hair, wrist, or solar plexus, she is lost in a magical realm. You've got her wrapped around your little finger.

Charm requires an inherent understanding of both yourself and your target. To understand yourself, you need to work on your inner game, you need to know what you are capable of, you need to know what you have to offer. To understand your target on the other hand, require skillful probing combined with the understanding and experience with human psychology. Fundamentally, everything about charm is revolved around:
    First, bringing your personality across (your reality), to implant specific messages about you (your value) to your target and...

    Second, to distract her from her own little peculiarities by indulging her senses, providing opportunities for her to be real, understanding and bringing out the best of her.
The magic ingredient is this: First, put your subject in the most pleasent trance and then subliminally associate that with yourself (your reality and value). The trick is to be subtle, working only on the subconscious mind, leading her imagination.

Chapter 2: The components of charm

In the Art of Seduction, Robert Greene talked about the strategy of a charmer is to appeal to their target's vanity, self esteem, ego and insecurities. Everybody has narcissistic tendencies, we all have a yearning to talk about ourselves. This is because secretly, we are insecure about ourselves. We want to validate our self-image, our identity. We want to boost our ego, self esteem and by talking about ourselves and getting approval, we feel good about ourselves. The charmer indulges their subjects with the delight of their own being. Like a flattering mirror, the charmer have the ability to reflect their target's image back to them -- with a gentle glow. Remember, nobody wants to listen to you, people are narcissists, enjoying the sound of their own voice, their thoughts and their being. They are their own favourite topic!

The first skill you will need in enchanting your subject is listening skills. It is important to know how to listen to people but most of us don't have the necessary skills for it. Being good at it separate you from other chumps - the world is full of people fighting over the chance to talk about themselves. Offering yourself as an emphathetic soul is rare in the world. The simple fact that you are listening implies that you care about your target, that she is important, her thoughts are important -- "Nothing is more flattering than the implied appreciation of an attentive listener". With advanced listening skills, you are able to reflect their own thoughts, self image and identity back to them, but with a positive spin. You can dissolve all negativity and turn them into a fun energy. You became intelligent, interesting, fun, and a rare find -- simply by listening effectively! At the same time, you have gathered the information necessary to tailor your charm specifically to the subject. Sweet.

While listening is a fundamental skill, it is useless on its own. The problem is that you are still relying on chance to give you the opportunity to be a good listener. Sure people like to talk about themselves, but they may not get the chance to, they might be shy, they might not know how to begin, whatever reason, you simply cannot wait for the opportunity. Once you've got her to start talking, you run into the next problem: bad topics. It is inevitable that sometimes people corner themselves, getting into topics that is difficult to relate to, or into topics that is negative or dead ended. One problem that a lot of us face is getting stuck in fluff talk, trying very hard to push a conversation but not going anywhere. It is important to be able to lead and direct the conversation in order to avoid those problems. Knowing what topics are good and how to steer the conversations into those will make a world of difference here.

What is a good topic? Obviously, a topic is good when both of you can relate and enjoy. A topic that let both of you to be real, to reveal and share your true self (which you suppress mostly), and subsequent mutual appreciation. A topic that is rich (with positive emotions), but not necessarily deep. One that let you forget all troubles and let you immerse yourself in the moment. One that is spontaneous and fun! Sounds great doesn't it? Who wouldn't fall in love with that? If you know how to keep your interaction in hot topics and apply effective listening, you would have her captured and your interaction will be intimate, and very enriching. Some would argue that this is even better than sex.

Your target's favourite topic is herself. This means that your observation and probing skills have to be up to scretch. You need to know what she is like, what she enjoys. Find out what it is about her that needs approval, and validation. Your listening skills will be very useful here, get her to talk, encourage her, accept her; this makes it easy for her to relax and be real. In additional to things you need to find out about her, there are things that are shared between all human beings, these includes feelings of joy, excitment, intense pleasure etc. Talk about every topic in context of these shared feelings. It makes it easier for both of you to relate and at the same time, bringing out the possitive feelings. Your goal is to turn her pleasure dial right up, by following these few simple rules, you can manage the topics to stay engaged and rewarding.

Attitudes, or mind-frames are machines that tune out messages from your belief systems and boardcast them into the world. It is very powerful because it is subconscious. You do not have to know exactly what to do consciously, all you have to do is to hold onto that attitude and your subconscious will take care of everything. Attitude is particularly useful in an interaction because it is spontaneous and intricate. When things happen very quickly during an interaction, your subconscious mind work faster and better, complementing your conscious strategies and techniques. The subconscious nature of it also makes everything congruent (which is very important). Think of attitudes as SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES -- information about you that you send out into your target's subconscious. They should always be subtle and hypnotic, never direct. You suggests these messages by insinuation, suggestions or through actions. The message fly under your target's radar and get imprinted in their psyche. Before they know about it, its too late.

When charming people, it is important to adopt the attitude of PLAY. You need to have fun! Its all a game, a game you play with your friends. A game that is spontaneous, dynamic and different every time. :) Everybody likes to play and be naughty. We are sick of our old, sensible self and we yearn for those wistful days of youth, where we have no responsibilities and harbour no defensiveness. A person who says "I hate games" is only revealing how much disappointment they have with games and how much they wish they can play games again. Everyone like to go out and have fun, meet someone new on a playground. There is no reason to encourage defensiveness. Instead, infect them with fun and pleasure with your playful spirit. As adults, we are experienced and still remain mature and nonchalant, however, we might want to let out your uncontrollable self sparingly, you will seem more real, people will treasure and mirror your openness.

In the book How to win friends and influence people, Dale Carnegie suggested some attitudes that is supremely useful in charm:
    "like people in general",
    "interested in others" and
    "genuine appreciate others"
Having these attitudes during any conversation will make you congruent with your subliminal messages, your actions natural and flowing. It will enhance your listening skills, engaging in the right topics and at the same time, bring out the best from her, infecting her with bright and positive energy. Other attitudes you might need are: Non-defensiveness, openness, honesty, acceptance etc.

The delivery of your charm should be subconscious. All communication skills and NLP strategies apply here. Essentially, Speed Seduction forms the basics of delivering charm. These include the use of body language, voice (tempo, tonality), hypnotic words, patterns, fragmentation, etc.

Knowing what to do and how to do things is only part of the story. PUA's quickly realised the importance of timing in a sarge. You've got to do the right things at the right time. The rule we use here is actually very simple, and is revolved around the idea of escalation from the Juggler method. First, you have to understand reward (or positive reinforcement) systems. In an interactions, there are Indicators of Interests (IOI's) and Statements of Intents (SOI's), both of these are signals that demonstrates interest, and in SOI, your intent - You want a friendship, you want a one night stand, etc. Traditionally, IOI's and SOI's are used as signs to assess your target's interest levels, it is in essence, a qualification process, you are performing and your target qualify you - if they approve, you get IOI's or SOI's, and then you'd take it further. Hopefully, we all agree that is a bad system to work in. Instead, you want your target to be interesting, you what her to perform, and you want her to seek your approval! So, the IOI's and SOI's have been adopted to use in ESCALATION. Essentially, escalation is to turn the table around, you reward her for her efforts, you positively reinforce her performance, and you keep her trying to obtain your approval -- simply by giving her IOI's or SOI's at the right time. Whenever she makes an effort, IOI her, whenever she tells an interesting story, IOI her, she touches you sexually, SOI her! Soon, you'd find yourself in control of the interaction and she is loving it. Remember this principle and apply it: "it is a turn-on when your target is being turned on by you."

Calibration is the last element I use for my charm. This is quite possibly the most difficult, but the most powerful element. This idea is to merge your energy with your target's energy. You tune yourself to her frequency. You are adaptable and fluid. The subliminal message here is "I am your type, I am what you want, and I am so you, we are meant to be." Your positive energy is in exchange with her, flowing back and forward.

In the Juggler method, Dan talked about the idea of "Equal interaction exchange". The idea is that an interaction is rewarding and sustainable only when all participants are involved in this exchange of energy. Ideally, the interaction is shared equally amongst all participants, however, if the load has to be unequal, it is better for you to share less, rather than more because you can always pull WEIGHT on being the silent, but dominant participant, getting others to work FOR YOU. You can also use your "participation" as a disguise for your topics management, rewarding, probing etc. Also, if you get your target to open up to you, reveal themselves to you, it is only fair to do the same, and they expect it.

Juggler also mentioned the idea of the island, or the gap. This has happened to me pleanty of times and I am sure everyone else has too. The island (or the gap) is when all of a sudden, you find yourself totally focused onto a person, the world outside of you two does not exist. There is just you, and her, and the present. This is usually felt as a wonderful interaction, you go "Wow~" afterwards, filled with afterglow and thought the other person is amazing. It is not one-sided, you have the ability to let the other person charming you as well. It is an energy that goes back and forward, sort of a dance, the merging of two spirits, the entanglment of two energies. Not only is she lost in the magical realm... so do you, holding each other's hands. From personal experiene, I can say for certainty that this extension feels less sneaky, the interaction feels deeper and is much more rewarding. The end result of being on an island is that it only makes perfect sense for you guys to be intimate with each other :)

Last words

Finally, I would like to say that charm is only a small part of a sarge. It is generic so it can be applied to anyone, in any situation. The effect of charm is optimum when you first meet your target. The more you know them the more difficult it gets to enchant them. Charm is not designed to get you sexual tension -- It sets you up for it. Also, what I've described here is charm in ther from of a conversation. There are other aspects of charm (2 for now) that is designed for "pre-opening" and "Long term".

Random review of April thoughts #4

At some point, I've realised that more work or skill is required for the earlier part of the game. Getting the first things right will makes the subsequent work easier. A lot of things are happening very rapidly and intricately during the early stages of a sarge, or even before the sarging.

To be able to relate to others is only part of the story, making it easy for others to relate to you is the rest of the story. A lot of people make it difficult for others to relate to them, this builds communication blocks.

The point of no return idea is moot.

At first, I was able to emotionally hook girls and get them onto "the island". So I thought, sure I will start opening now... But I never did. I had approach anxiety and still do. Then, I thought, If I can get girls to open me, I wouldn't need to open girls! Thats when I was into Approach Invitation (AI) -- To make a girl "invite" you to approach. It kinda worked as I can command attention and they will AI me. But the problem is, even when that happens, the opportunity is fleeting and you still have to open them. They are never going to open, the chance is one in a million. I've done it before but it was fluke. I've got into a whole mess of studying Pre-approach -- the part of the game BEFORE you approach your target. The goal was to advertise yourself, get girls to approach you or AI you. That part of the game got too messy and eventually, I merged it with my Charm work. Which has been working out great!

Two of my pre-approach work involved social proofing and pawning. Social proofing is when you get everyone to like you and so make you look socially desirable and pawning is to use (a group of) people to get to your target (at high value). I have not done a lot of social proof but when I do, it usually take too long for me to establish it before I get the chance to approach the target. Pawning, yes, did it, never worked. I tend to get stuck with the pawn.

On my journey, I have performed some openings. They did not work for one reason or another. After which I have decided to work on mini-openings to protect my ego. Mini-opening is like an ice-breaker, a quick friendly comment etc. You open them but you are only committed to a very short interaction. I did mini-openings before, but they are usually unsatisfactory. I now think that it is also premature ejection. I can do mini-opening with EC and smile quite well, but I tend to end it there, which sucks. I need to be able to carry on with that kind of opening.

I have totally forgotten about providing opportunities for girls to approach me...

It is still useful to introduce your friend/wing to your target. I can see naturals do it.

I still suffer from not being goal oriented when I communicate. I tend to say things unnecessarily, I am being needy and approval seeking. My certainty have increased and that helps me heaps. This kinda make sense as I am at the level of queen cards, which means I am inwardly capable but not outwardly and masculine. I have to be congruent with my energy.

I am a big fan of being spontaneous. I hate patterns and routines. Thats why I like Juggler's method and The Natural Game. Although SS has lots of patterns, you can use it sparingly to spice up the interaction here and there. Just use its components to improvise and you will have the freedom and flexibility of being spontaneous.

Mindframe when going out:
-Yup, I am me. Hello~
-I am curious about you, you, and you!
-Love me love me


Escalation is one of the key tools I use in an interaction. I use my instinct when I am applying this method. When I catch someone's positive wave of energy, I ride on it as much as possible. I reward their effort to be friendly. It is sometimes difficult because it might be difficult to reward them with congruence (using reflective listening). i.e., Your reward for her effort has to make sense, e.g., you cannot laugh if you don't find it funny. You cannot laugh for the wrong reasons. You have to understand where they are coming from and GET IT. Now a good conversationist can deliver their performance in a way that makes it easy for you, but thats not always the case. So, it makes it challenging sometimes.

Although reflective listening and rewarding and mutual escalation with IOI's are all very good things. Don't be too smooth of a talker, bring yourself down sometimes and be a normal human being, it makes things more natural. For example, break the rules here and there -- dont listen, talk about yourself, make jokes, let her reward you, IOI you. Under normal circumstances, simple performing is enough as thats what people expect anyways, nobody is going to think "he's so on the floor", especially girls, they don't really care, they expect guys to flaunt. (but maybe not bragging).

However, this is where your action decides which path your interaction will go under. If you want to remain platonic, let her escalate you. This is because you are getting her out of her subconscious and into her consciousness, which is a lot less seductive. In addition, she is not expressing her desires and you are not encouraging it. However if you want it to head towards a sexual interaction, you escalate her. Hypnotise her, let her think sexually and perform for you. You reward her, IOI/SOI her and make her feel comfortable "picking you up". Then, she is free to get into the sexual realm with you. Once that is established, it is a matter of gentle suggestions and encouragement before you provide the opportunities to close.

Charm and Closing

Charm is like a flattering mirror that casts a diffused, glow of light around your target. Basically appealing to their vanity and ego. As girls always say "Its all about how he makes you feel." You are just so pleasant to be around with. You bring out the best in them, stirring up fun emotions, smothering all negative energy out of them. This is actually quite powerful as it is essentially HYPNOSIS. The effect of this is to get her in a good state and relaxed, allowing you to bypass the critical factor.

Now, it doesn't make any sense to bypass the critical factor if you are not going to implant messages. What messages are you going to implant? Its up to you. For me, its that I want to be with them, I want to appreciate them, celebrate each other, being intimate and spiritual. What ever you have in your mind WILL COME ACROSS and be received. At this stage, you are ready to close, and you HAVE TO.

Not following through is acting like a cold bitch, and being a cock-tease. Its disrespectful to your target's openness to you, you've betrayed their trust. You make them feel vulnerable and no body likes that.

Unlike my earlier belief, I no longer believe that closing is about bridging, it is a proper ending. A decent movie will be ruined by a bad ending (in Steve Job's words: bake the world's best cake and then using dog shit as icing). What keeps the audience moved and retain a good image of you is to have proper endings -- a good closure. The lack of a proper ending/closure indirectly send out a message: "Well, you were kinda fun, but bye now, I won't see you again, you are not worth it". This undermines the uniqueness of the person, and that interaction.

It is a rip-off to have bad closure, a horrible ending that make no sense. Sometimes, tension is built up in an interaction and your target is emotionally stirred -- leaving it there, cold, not only demonstrate disrespect but also irresponsibility and inconsideration. Essentially, doing the same thing as a hot girl teasing you but refusing to let you off your load.

Your interaction is like a story, you build up tension, climax and you release that tension with a close. The audience is satisfied and the afterglow remain in them afterwards. Let them hungry for more of that. Oh, I think the first close should not release ALL tension/energy, because you need it for the next round ;-p

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Random review of April thoughts #3

When approaching, I am pretty confident. I know how to hook a girl into an interaction, I know some standard fluff and I know how to direct topics into something deeper. I know how to vibe, calibrate and converse. This make a huge difference as I have things ready to say, I am firm in my direction. There will be a time when girls are a bit cold, and I still have approach anxiety. However, I no longer feel like I have no game. There are just certain bits I need to get over in oder to have a general approach that will be as good as average naturals.

Trying to bring out the best in people and getting through their persona is always a primary objective. It can be achievable in every circumstance. At the moment, my need for field work is rising. A process to expose myself to more situations to see how I response. I can feel it in the subconscious but I cannot bring it out into the consciousness without some probing. My inner game has exceeded my expectation from April and will need new self discovery to move to the next level. I need to get through the kisses and then, sex.

Right now, I still feel like my emotional well being is rather fragile. I am getting stronger though. This was the result of two beliefs, first, my belief that all girls likes you, even if they act really negative to you. Second, I belief that everyone has a nice side inside. There are still times when I get offended. This is being defensive, I have all my spikes out, my guns out -- Say hello to my little friend. This is highly anti-seductive. I need to be as nonchalant as I can be. I need to be able to deal with any person and never be offended (while still remaining dignity). Be a bouncing ball, be infective with positivity.

Another important question I raise earlier is the dichotomy of "overconfidence/complacency" vs "insecure/improvement". This is a false dichotomy. The glass is always half full and you are filling it. It is not necessary to feel empty and then trying to make yourself just better. Keep yourself "just good enough" is excellent and be content with that. Then treat everything as an art. Always head towards perfection but don't let this drive deter you from your spirits.

Manage your comfort zones, dont stay in it for too long and don't stay out of it for too long (you will go crazy).

A refinement of my self-image
- I am a Pleasure, I distract girls from their negativity's
- I love cool, attractive girls
- I provide a comfortable and safe opportunity for girls to have pleasure
- Its better being with me than with someone else
- Girls can be real when they are with me

New affirmations
To have more genuine, more meaningful relationship
To have more women, to the sexual levels
To have more options in women
To be a mPUA

One thing I will have to explore sooner or later is the idea of being a challenge, this is a push method but it seems to be necessary as it is heavily discussed in every major methods, including Juggler's (but at a much lower dosage).

Need to work on the ideas of closing

Need to work on pre-game more, both inner game and techniques

Random review of April thoughts #2

Contrary to my earlier belief that country girls are different from city girls. I'd say of course! But thats redundant -- ALL girls are different, and girls from different city/towns are always different, even between suburbs. I felt that when you get to a new place, you need to be attuned to the city. Spend a day or two to expose yourself to the city, different parts of it to understand it. Once you do, you'd be able to attune yourself to it and approaching girls will be easier. When you walk around, you EC everyone, you Alfie everyone, make as much connection as possible. Then, your vibing and calibration will be easy when you perform your charm.

Eye contact patterns
This is still an area of great study. The way I do it depends on my mood. Sometimes I don't feel like committing to an interaction, but when I do, I can hold the eye contact, and your expression should be a "hmmm, let me see" and when you get reciprocation, give the warmest smile: "Love love". There are two ways of making an eye contact in terms of "pupil location" -- On the side or in the center. It is more seductive and suggestive on the side, but it feels sneaky depending on the situation. A centered position is more direct, perhaps a bit cold and less emotional, it is more neutral and aggressive. Choose what to do depend on what you are trying to achieve. There are too many variables if I want to talk about other things, e.g., catching them checking you out, timing of catching, checking you out vs flirting with you, position/movment of your sights... Will post more about it later.

Right now, I am an expert on EC, I can control it much more, I am braver, I can interpret it better, I tend to intimate others (which isn't necessarily a good thing). Another thing I want to try out is to use eye contact to make communication. At the moment, my EC skills are limited to "Hello" type interactions. Sort of opening.

I have been told many many times that I have amazing eyes... and amazing smiles. These are my powerful tools that did not come natural, I have been practicing looks with my eyes and smiles since I was 17. Indeed, many girls consider eyes and smiles to be the most important things. Now, I think they work for vibing and calibration only, which means its incomplete. Also, despite my many practice, I tend to loose control during interactions. Practicing in front of the mirror is good coz you can see it but you WILL end up getting dependent on the mirror and forget to pull it off during a real interaction.

My belief systems on approach has also changed. From watching "naturals", I realised it is never natural, it is always calculated. The real question is -- how do you make it seems natural? Once again, magic, misdirection... once you can see the tricks, its no longer magic. Its all premeditated. Every approach has an underlying reason. Its up to you to decide what the reason is -- I choose to be social and friendly. Sex is on the background because even if I come in full throttle platonic, the girl will have sexual energies that you have to manage.

On ejecting -- Ejecting is only an option when you run out of all your tools, which should never happen. Your judgement should be good enough to know how to pull off a close. A close should be set up so that it is a tool to properly end a necessary interrupt to an interaction. e.g., you have to go and times up. You should not need to eject -- Once your interaction is committed, you will have to close, otherwise, don't open. Ejection is failure, ejection is wussy, ejection is spineless, ejection is skill-less.

But coming back to the problem of "what to do if a conversation is going down hill". Well FIX IT!, your charm skill should be enough to equip you with enough tools to deal with anything. If its really a bad judgement on the girl's capabilities in a positive interaction, make her eject on a high note, divert her to someone else (like a friend or something). Land your plane, don't bloody eject it!

Swift Smooth and Slick -- Still good advice...

Random review of April thoughts #1

I had doubted myself on being good with da ladies. I have a natural ability to attract girls and women. The problem was, I tend to focus on the negative -- I was unhappy that I could not get the hot girls. This is my theory: There are many types and variation of girls. Some are cute, some are hot. Whats hot is usually socially determined, we all know what is desirable, girls know how to act desirable. Then, there are girls who do not chase after these social trends. These girls are good the way they are, and they judge you the same way. However, there are other girls who follow these trends -- they are the desirable ones, they are the hot ones. Not so much because of their beauty, but their attitude, their ability to make themselves desirable. Now, these girls also see guys as an extension for their desirability and hence, will be attracted to guys who also chase after social trends towards attractiveness.

This is a personality property, it is not me. And that is why I could not concur girls who are limited by that. As people get older, they tend to grow out of it and care about more important things. None-the-less, these girls can be targeted by projecting a desirable image.

From experience, it is important to NOT settle for 2nd best. It is a sure way to get yourself shot in your own ass. However, it is false dichotomy that you cannot also enjoy anything less than perfect... PROVIDED that you the relationship doesn't get in the way of your other parts of life. The sad fact is that the more you grow, the less fascinating, less individualistic girls became. They do became objects to a certain degree -- everyone does... The problem is with ethics. I can provide all the good things under the condition that it does not hinder my freedom. This is the only condition that I have, and I have to make it clear.

I have moved on from my pervious life and this new mode I am in is very satisfactory. I no longer feel like an average person, I felt like I live in paradise, I am more accepting of myself and others. I understand the dynamics of people more. I am more spiritual.

On April 02, 2006, I posted that I had 3 skills in my arsenal. But now, I have reduced my skills to one thing -- Charm.

From the Tarot's point of view, I am no longer the Ace of Cups when it comes down to emotions. I am comfortably The Page of Cups. As for the Major Akana's, I have moved on to the High Priestess.

Reviewing the post on "What I want" -- I am still interested in "having that special connection with as many girl as possible." In order to experience, explore others and myself, have immense please, and to have this ability under my sleeve in case I need it.

Today, I am much happier about my life because this new approach to life is the missing piece of puzzle that was so lacking. This is something that will make everything worthwhile, make me happy, etc. This is powerful and applicable to every aspect of life. I no longer feel like I don't have power, I don't feel like I am un-accepted. This makes me very very happy. I have control of my life, I know how to do it, I know how to make it happen.

Reasons why I am happy:

1/. Be content, I like myself, my life, past, present and future
2/. Accept yourself as a human, you get sad sometimes, its normal, accept it
3/. Everything is in progress, you are in the middle of things constantly, even if it might not be good now, but it will later
4/. Things only make sense on hindsight, and you never know when is the endpoint
5/. I constantly create happiness, theres no room for sadness, be a pleasure all the time

Avoid negativity at all cost, don't use it until it is absolutely necessary. Happiness does not necessarily lead to complacency. Happiness is a feminine form of emotional energy, learn this thoroughly before you start playing with the negative, masculine form of emotional energy. It is interesting to find that at this point, (early april), I have decided to use the feminine energies to approach the world. I did not know exactly back then, but on hindsight, I can see I have decided to chase after this illusive female approach to life.

Today, I no longer feel Desolation, nor lonesomeness, nor loneliness, nor alienation. Although I feel like I am different from many people, I also feel like I am similar to many people. It remain sad sometimes that you cannot connect with some people whom you care for, but thats ok because I now know that I can find people to connect with me in different aspects of life. I have more options now and I know how to get these option. I also accept that one cannot be totally opened, it is ok to reserve some space in ourselves. I think I have found a balance -- I am a natural introvert, my socialising is enough for me and right now, I find treasures in solitude whenever I have a chance.

I believe that my journey to make connections with people have been going very well, it seems that my goal is closer than I imagined as I am already enjoying it so much. As predicted in April, things ARE turning out the way I expected, every aspects of my life have increased in quality dramatically, like, a couple of folds increase.

Previously, my highest level of the tarot suit is the sword, where I was at the knight level. This was mainly due to my lack of emotional intelligence/quotent, the lack of diplomacy and people skills. So I could not control the reasoning/logic part of my mind very well. With the progression into the High Priestess, I have access to the subconscious and the feminine energy that allows diplomacy and people skills, combined with the swords, the emotional progression (from cups to page) have pushed me to the queen of swords. This is also true for the wands. So right now, I am on both queens of swords and wand.

The code still holds

1/. Thou shall not be a cockblock
2/. Thou shall not create superiority by stepping on fellow men
3/. Thou shall not embarrass your friends with creepy behaviour
4/. Thou shall not attempt to compete with fellow men
5/. Thou shall not make a move on another man's subject

I have not been practicing wining at all. Basically I have only met solo's. Nicholas would make a good sarging pair but I am not sure if we can pull it off nicely. I am hoping that I can go wing Jimmy Foxx later on after he's got his new pad.

My thought on speed seduction have changed, I believe that sarging does not require SS, but with SS, your sarging sky rockets. SS can be built into every interaction to add punch. Hypnosis does not decrease in potency but you need a rotation in variation to avoid people catching you. My thought on how SS is difficult on girls knowing you heaps still holds -- even RJ acknowledges it. This is not what SS is designed for, it is a management issue. SS helps but will need more long term strategic seduction techniques. Fundamentally, you should not really leave things for too long. And if a girl end up as your friend, or is associated with you romantically for ages -- STAY LIKE THAT!! You have other options. From experience, SS is still the most powerful tool I have used so far.

Review: April Post, Questions

In reply to my old post. Without constantly referring back to those questions, I seem to have answered them all. This is pretty sweet as I no longer worry about those problems anymore... or at least I have temprary solutions for them.
    #1 I don't really need to know what I am looking for in this area of girls. Who cares, just do whatever.

    #2 The one? Who gave you that idea and what kind of insane idiot are you believing in such bullshit?

    #3 Never settle.

    #4 You don't know what you really are so stop that bullshit about whether a girl likes you for who you really are or not. People like others, sometimes for the most stupid reasons. You are just pissed off that people don't like you permanently. Wuss! More to the point, it only matters whether YOU like them or not!

    #5 I like to dominate girls, make them cum their brains out. Turning them into hungry nymphs. I love those nice, smooth skin, how they get electric shocks of ecstasy through out their body and shiver uncontrollably. I like that rush in me during intimacy.

    #6 Girls like me

    #7 Love is a social construct, its defined by misery, its vague and illusive. Its ok to show vulnerability in the most controlled way as possible. Thats just the way it goes. love is for romantic novel readers.

    #8 Love is always a choice, it is an action.

    #9 Sleeping with all the wonderful women in the world would be nice, its a bonus, not a requirement.

    #10 I don't like liars, I don't like manipulators, I don't like disrespectful fucks, I don't like disloyal strays, I don't like dependencies. Simple boundaries.

    #11 People have to be loyal and respectful. Understand how to compromise other things to protect these two values.

    #12 Its ok to want to fuck others while you are in a relationship, it has nothing to do with wether you love someone else or not.

    #13 Fuck question 13, too hard.

    #14 I am in a happy relationship when I am happy. How simple. With regard to effort, use


      Meaning that, the amount of suffering you endure in the relationship, is equal to the difference between how much effort you invest and how much effort she invests in the relationship.
      For example, if you run around all the time making sure she is happy and trying to organize things for the two of you to do, etc, while she idly stands by, your S will be high and most likely you will suffer quite a bit.
      I have been burnt like this big time and have learnt my lesson. So the next time you are dating a girl you really like, keep in mind this golden law and always keep your S to a minimum by making E1=E2.
      Note: you don't want it negative, cause then you will just end up dumping her.

    #15 Girls want sex and other pleasure, a good friend.

    #16 Just be, who cares. Its their problem if they are not into you. You have options, you just live without letting anything holding you back.

    #17 Coz you lack people skills

    #18 Coz you lack people skills

    #19 Coz you lack people skills

    #20 Learn people skills and social dynamics

    #21 Learn people skills and social dynamics

Review: April Post, Rationale

Rationale, SUNDAY, APRIL 02, 2006

I've posted the above post early on and things are different now. Right now, I don't care whether things are going down the relationship path, fling path or whatever. What I care about is whether the girl is suitable for particular purposes or not. I like sex and my standards for it and relationships has been lowered -- I am more opened to things now. The following is a list of my previous beliefs and how it is changed right now --

#1: I did not have the confidence to get and hold onto a woman
    I am confident in chatting up a 6/7, touch her and go on dates with her. I can have this go on with multiple girls at the same time and thats more than I can handle. -- I want to do more with 6/7's and I want to do it with 8-12's!!!
#2: I felt that I was lucky to have what I had and shouldn't push my luck
    I am lucky, and I've got something girls want. I do not know exactly what it is about me that attract girls, but I am getting there I think. I SHOULD push my luck! I am having a mighty good time and who cares what they want! I am making the most out of it.
#3: I felt guilty of my desires and I needed to suppress it somehow
    My guilt for my desire is to keep me on a leash. I need to train myself to be more responsible and competent, progressively giving that monster in me some freedom. -- Right now, I am letting myself kiss girls, I am comfortable and guilt free about touching girls now, kissing is the next step.
#4: I had a very innocent indoctrination of what relationships are about (probably implanted by my parents)
    Anything goes in terms of relationships these days
#5: I can only see black and white in this aspect
    Once again, anything goes, I make the rules.
#6: I did not know what I really want, I only made myself think I know what I want
    I don't think I can ever work this out. I probably know more of what I want, and what I want changes all the time anyway. My belief on the truth of what I want is the instantaneous/instinctive feelings, processed desire is less genuine in my definition. -- I want to be more aware of my inner-self and subconscious. I will leave the conscious/rational mind to work and career.
#7: I thought that there is a inverse relationship between how hot a girl is and how easy/genuine they are (to get and hold)
    I still think hot girls are more difficult to get, and they still intimidate me. I have been avoiding them but the limited interactions with them made me think that they are NOT more difficult, they are just different. There is something common amongst them. I also have this false-belief that they are not as warm as less attractive girls. One way of me to deal with that is to focus on their flaws. -- I want to have success with hot babes too! Anyone I want!
#8: I felt that if I cannot even get and hold an average girl, how can I possibly get an even hotter babe?
    I still feel that. Actually, in my conscious mind, I know and belief I can, yet I cannot imagine the scenario. Strange isn't it? This problem will be resolved slowly as I progress with my skills
#9: I needed to feel approved
    I need no approval now.
#10: I did not have a life
    I have a life, a pretty damn good one too.
#11: I did not have any skills at all
    HA! I am not longer a Chump!
Man, things have changed since April. These are all major parts that plagued me. Looks like I still have to figure a few things out but I've came a long way.

Here are my new beliefs:
    #1 I am intimated by hot girls and am afraid of approaching them. When I interact with them, I will be magically transformed into a CHUMP. I behave like a shy teenage girl with an attitude...

    #2 My attraction for girls is fleeting and I don't know how to control it

    #3 My sexual energy fluctuates and there is no control what so ever, and I am not making use of it.

    #4 Girls are attracted to me for some reason. I do not know exactly what it is but my first assumption is my "Natural style of seduction" so to speak. I seem to be attractive in general, but I just dont know what to do with it, how to follow through with it, how to make the most out of it.

    #5 I don't mind being with less attractive girls, but I mind being attached to them.

    #6 I suffer from approach anxiety -- I worry about the inability to continue on a conversation.

    #7 Even if a girl is interested in me, I cannot find enough excuses for me to do something with her.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Field Report: First Floor

We also went to a dance club called First Floor on Brunswick street (yes, I like it there). There was a queue outside and Nicholas was opening like mad, he must have opened 6-7 sets the whole night. I don't know, I have a funny feeling towards opening. He opened up this girl whose name I could not remember, so I am going to call her Noele. Noele seems to be on something, or just pissed.

She was trying to talk to me but she made it very difficult for me to continue on the conversation. I guess thats what you do when you are not very good at calibration. We got in and on the dance floor, I bumped into her again. Some guy was trying to chat her up, but I didn't give a damn and just said "Hey, there you are again!" She said something and I let her lean into me while putting my hand around her waist. We flirted, danced sexually, but she was non-commital. I did a bit of pushing by being cold and she would always come back. Then, she grabed my waist and I pinched her ass. It was fun.

Later, she was too uncoordinated and bumped her hips into my groin forcefully, that hurts heaps and I walked away... Throughout the night, I was doing a bit of Pushing practice, being cold, using silence and vacuum. It was great, I got attention from a couple of girls and then, I left to go home.

This was my first successful dance floor pick up work and it seems to agree with my theory that dance joints are difficult to use conversations to communicate. Using the body and physical communication is the best method. You can bypass a lot of bullshit and simpy jump straight into heavy kino stuff.

Next time, I want to go for the kiss. I will be working on the kiss close from now on. Opening and kiss closing.

Field Report: The Black Pearl, Arrrrg~

The Black Pearl is one of my favourite place to go to when I am in Melbourne. Its on Brunswick street, it is small, cozy, funky, not too loud music, cocktails good and usually have a pretty nice crowd: New graduates type, about 24 year olds. I've had good experience in there so I always get a good vibe. The setting however, is not optimal for sarging, but perfect for hangout out with friends because its closed in.

A friend opened a girl and used me as social proof by introducing me to her. I made a few jokes and turned back to attend to my other friend. Bored, I wanted to play with a ESP test (guessing a number from 1-10) so I tried it on my friend. He didn't guessed 7 so I was disappointed. Inspired though, I turned to the girl, Jane, to see if it works for her --
    Me: Hey, sorry to interrupt you again, but I want to try out this little game with you.

    Jane: Yeah? um, what kind of test is this?

    Me: Nothing dodgy, I promise *smirk*

    Me: What you've got to do is, first, hold on to my phone
    (I've typed the number 7 in the notepad before all this)
    Jane: This is absurd! How can this possibly work?

    Me: Absurd? You don't even know what I am doing, how do you know its abusrd?

    Jane: Alright, what do we have to do?

    Me: First, you hold onto a phone and...

    Jane, interrupting me, intrigued and laughing: This is just not scientific! How is this ever going to work?

I thought that was weird, I havn't even told her what I am doing... Perhaps she knows about this test, maybe she has read The Game and she knows all my dirty tricks and eventually, shes going to blow me off like a pathetic jerk -- Nonetheless, I persisted.
    Me:Not scientific? Are you a scientist?

    Jane: Well, I used to study biochemistry, but I dropped it.

    //More Fluff
At this point, I've found out a lot about her, rapport was established, know her softspots etc. We were on an island, there was emotional hook, kino. Just her and me, nothing else existed -- for her. This is what I find different. The more I do the more I am emotionally distant from the target. I know exactly where I was going, what I was doing and I was nonchalant. I find that the more I am distant, the more girls are into it -- The PUA's paradox. All it was was taking the lead in directions, it was escalation, it was vibing, calibration and good conversations.

This was also the first time I got total stranger onto the island. At the end, I could not get rid of her, I had to eject a couple of times. Unfortunately, I don't think I will ever see her again so I did not close. Otherwise, pretty damn good solid pick up work. In case you are curious, I did get to do the test with her, she did not guess 7 but that didn't matter, we chatter heaps, it was fun conversation and I am glad that I met someone cool. The thing is, I just wanted to do the test, thats all I was committed to, but the difference was, I let her pursue the interaction. I made it easy for her, I made it logical, I gave her opportunities to do so. So its all natural. And I think thats all you have to do! Thats all thats matter! Thats a positive interaction!

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Natural: Nicholas

Yesterday, we went out sarging at Brunswick street in Melbourne. It was a pretty cool place and I feel like I've got IT. On the way, we bumped into a friend -- Nicholas, so we decided to hang out together.

There are always some girls hanging around Nicholas and I am always curious about that. At first, he talked about how he was chatting up some girls at a bar last night. He said "All you've got to do is to go and talk to them. There were these guys, just standing around doing nothing for ages but I just walked up to the girls!"

We Bar-hopped to the 2nd bar and he immediately just opened a two-set with ease. Now, being asian, I always thought its easier for a whitey to do that. However this time, I thought he (too) was actually quite nervous too, its just that he put up with it and do it anyway (how do you feel the fear and do it anyway?). So, we bar-hopped again to wait for a couple more friends. Nicholas staied to sarge some more before joining us.

When he caught up with us, he was telling us how he was chatting up a couple of girls and that he purposely ignored his target, talking to her friends only. Without him knowing it, this also make the girl wants to talk to him more, which she did. He was quite proud of it. Knowing these, I realised, he is one of those naturals who instinctively know about these social dynamics and have the right ideas. They are almost like text book pick up strategies. He cannot conceptualise it, but he certainly knows whats right instinctively.
    He went on and said: "You've got nothing to loose, if the girl likes you and is pretty cool, she will talk to you. If she doesn't, shes a cold bitch anyway! Besides, you are talking to her friends already"
Curious, I wondered how it works out for him. It took a bit of prying before I squeeze some information out of him.
    He told me: "You've got to have a plan, you've got to know what you are going to say next." "You know, we do it all the time, we don't go up to someone and not know what you are going to say. If you meet up with your friends, you know waht to say exactly. It absurd that people can't do the same with chatting up girls. You just have to remember your normal approach to normal people~!"
This was so profound to me. Its so simple yet, I never thought of it that way! I wish I did, but I didn't.

At the bar, there was a two-set 90 degrees to us, with our back to each other. He said to me "Sit and watch this". He proceed to albow forcefully to one of the girls, and without hesitation -- "Oh I am so sorry, how rude of I! I didn't mean it... Hi, I am Nicholas by the way." MY GOD, I though. This bastard just opened up a two set like that, SHAMELESS! I've heard about watching naturals is the best way to learn but this is the first time someone demonstrates how it works for me. I thought that opener looked fake, but it was congruent. He could easily have turned it around and said he did it on purpose to chat them up and it wouldn't be a problem at all!

He ejected after awhile and after some encouragment, he was pumped and he went opening another set. Which he ejected rather abrupted again. I was curious and I was asking him what happened.
    To which he answered: "I like to meet lots of people at first, then the next time you meet them, they already know you"
Actually, I thought that was a bit defensive. From my observation, he seems to know that he should eject before he become a bore. You can see that he was loosing the girls after awhile -- On the last set that he opened, he was going for an HB8 (with a bf around). It obviously went kinda bad and the HB8 was talking about him (in a kinda weird, disturbed way) which made him want to disappear. Apparently, he neg-ed the HB, criticising her fashion sense, and-offended-her.

Me and my other friend was discussing about this: We thoguht that hes got a generic approach. Which works on a chance basis and that even if most of the time it dowsn't work, it didn't matter because by simply going for it, he will eventually meet someone susceptable. It is a number's game and he knew it. Classic PUA strategy.

I analysed him a bit more and found that although he knew some of the widely knowen techniques in PU, he is lacking in certain ways which I find, incomplete. I think that sure, he's got a good belief system on opening, but he pushes too hard. His approach is classic PUSH. As much as he can push an opening, he had no techniques in continuing a conversation with skills, a large part of it is still dependent by chance. He gets stuck in fluff.

I've experimented with conversation techniques a lot and I can see the mistake he makes. While I am no good in opening and I simply do not appeal to the kind of girls he appeals to. I have a much more controlled, predictable methodologies in interactions. First, you cannot push only. It has to be push and pull. By pushing, you essentially prey your approach on negativity during calibration, or worse, no calibration at all.

What I mean is this, calibration requires you to be attune to the target(s). Pushing relys on their insecurities, weaknesses -- which are negative. You are not bringing out the best of them. Sure he was good at vibing -- he know what hes got and knows how to bring his personality across. But I can really see the importance of good calibration from his mistakes. Without good calibration, you cannot make good conversation -- you are not listening, you are not bringing out happiness from people, you are not appealing to their ego, their vanity. You cannot reward them, it make no sense to IOI or SOI as rewards. And guess what? YOU STUCK IN FLUFF!!!!!

It was an interesting experience indeed.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

SoSauve: They've done it again!

Another great posts from SoSauve.com. Much of our recent conversations and ideas are related to these topics too!

For Falcon, Don't Stumble in Your Conversations with Women.
    Its interesting how these techniques are very similar to my ideas of Charm. In my earlier post, I mentioned how you need to be genuinely interested (curiosity) in others and appreciate (admiration) them. These two qualities will take you miles ahead of other chumps. The other things I have not yet posted about is listening and not complaining, but this is part of my communication skills. Lastly, Flirting. Yes, you've got to flirt! To not flirt is disrespectful to a girl. I discussed this with Falcon before, it is not about the presence of sexual thoughts or not, its about how you handle that energy. An attractive guy uses that energy to his advantage, a repulsive guy uses sexual energies to make them look bad.
For Jimmy Foxx, How to Minimize Suffering in a Relationship.
    Idea of reciprocation, trade offs and investments. Now we've even got a formula! Sweet~
And For me, Women Are Nothing to Be Afraid of.
    David D. said it again -
    "So STEP 1 is to GET OVER IT, and come to grips with the fact that you're human... STEP 2 is to admit that you'd like to get this particular thing handled."
    "Putting Too Much Importance On What The Woman Thinks Of You And What Happens In That Particular Situation."
    "It doesn't matter what happens, and it doesn't matter what she thinks of me."
    "I realized that the fears I was experiencing were more from PROGRAMMING than from reality"

Juggler's earlier blog

I found bit of the Juggler method in the form of a blogger style blog. There are a lot of wisdoms in there, and like all his other materials, its not just about picking up -- Its applicable to many other human interactions too! Think the transition from "the Juggler method" to "Charisma science/Charisma arts" make sense. Its no longer just a pick up method.

The Juggler Method

Someone like us

I've been browsing around blogger and I came across someone else going through the same stuff as we do. Check it out!

No more Mr. Nice Guy

Sticking point: Non-deserving

I've rediscovered my problem of feeling non-deserving and not giving myself permission. This sucks big time and its probably a common problem amongst AFC's. First, I cannot imagine myself being with HB9 and 10's. I cannot imagine them cuddling up to me, I cannot imagine them showing me any signs of kindness. I simple don't believe that can happen.

Of couse, I've surprised myself before with hot girls, and each time I do, my standard is raised. I raised my standard but there are always better ones, which I secretly want but refuse to believe that I deserve them. I think I mentioned this before -- I think I am a 5. This has been so ingrained in my psyche that its probably not going to go away. In fact it act as a driving force for me which I enjoy.

the reason why feeling like a 5 works for me is because I think 5 is good enough. I think you don't need to be a 10 to get a 10 -- a 5 would do. Now isn't this contradicting my point earlier? Perhaps it is. This is probably whats causing me great frustration. There has to be a way to resolve this conflict, a way around it. Or if I have to give up one of these beliefs, it will be the first one. Because it make no sense. The source of this mis-conception must be identified vaporised!

I really like being a humble person, I like constant drive to improve myself. I hate arrogrance, I hate complacency. I like how it fits in with my Natural style of seduction. That cannot be given up simply because "girls like arrogant f**ks". I need a way to change my believe that I do not deserve


I have been talking to Jimmy before about "targets". We talked about how we are quite picky about girls. I don't think we have high standards, I think we just have standards... Sure we put appearance in the forefront, but we can't be dishonest about our feelings. I mean, I've tried, despite a girl having the best personality, your dislike for her looks WILL SHOW. And it will burn a permanent hole in her ego, no good. Yeah, call me superficial, now go away.

We have standards, and this is my theory: If you find yourself asking the question "How am I going to get rid of her?", even just a hint of that doubt -- shes not for you. Don't go for her, cut her loose early. I mean, make sure she stay in the friend zone, man.

This can be a problem, so it has to be delt with carefully. We all know what LJBF feels like, and to do it to someone else is pretty bad. You'd have to be able to manage it early. If you have to LJBF, its already a bit too late and you loose her as a networking pawn.

I also talked to Falcon about "relationship materials". I don't think we came up with anything solid, but we were getting there: A girl is relationship material when she is mature and responsible. One who have had experience. Low self esteem and insecurities are bad. Someone who can communicate true feelings to you (even if that means shes find other guys attractive), and is opened about it. One who understand trade offs, sacrisfy and compromise in love.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Lessons from the movie Closer

Not that I like the movie, just that it raises some interesting ideas when related to The Art of Seduction's seduction types:

In the movie, the two main male characters are of different types of seducers.

Dan was a Rake, we already dislike Dan more because a rake has a negatively connontation. In fact, a rake's seduction is based on pleasure, and his weakness in indulgence. They are "disloyal, dishonest and amoral", but he will "go to the ends of the earth for her." Well, sounds like the average playboy. I guess society frown upon this character. But to me, I begin to understand and embrace this type of character. They do not conform to social boundries, they are truthful to themselves, which, in a strange sense -- HONEST. Their loyalty is like a mountain when they are in moment of love (but is subjected to it).

Larry however, is an ideal lover -- wow, the IDEAL L-O-V-E-R! Who wouldn't love the ideal lover?! Its not even neutral, it has positive connotation! Naturally, we like larry more, although he is immoral in other ways. The ideal lover consciously feeds on other's weaknesses, providing approval, providing validation. He fulfills your (illusionary) fantasies. I think the truth in human behaviour is that we are not constantly in love with your partner, sometimes you like them, sometimes you hate them. However, in a way, the ideal lover is dishonest, they portrait an idea of constant love that is misrepresenting their truth self. This behaviour also shows that they have psychological issues, he is possessive, he needs approval and validation, and he needed sex. Also, even if they are attracted to others, the ideal lover will suppress that, denying his desires, remaining with his partner because he fear loosing her. Now, this depends on social constrained (monogamy), there is no such appeal if a society acceptes polygamy! The ideal lover also appealing to the partner's jealousy, her insecurities, her mis-trust, possessiveness -- Setting up a relationship that is built on unhealthy psyc.

I'd argue that the Ideal lover is more dishonest, amoral and disloyal. Loyalty is not based on pure love, but their values, things they want or fear to loose. It is more likely that the ideal lover is not really loving the person as is, but something about her, and can replace her with someone else with the same traits. The Rake however, like each one the way she is, without any condition. When they are not in love with them (at that time), he will not hide it. Society somehow promote the ideal lover and discredit the rake. Maybe there is a reason, I don't know. Perhaps rakishness will harm women more than woman, incompatibility in indulgence in desire and pleasure. Perhaps an ideal lover sacrisfy himself more and this balances the power of men and women? Perhaps the moderation, temperance and compromise of the ideal lover is compatible with the rest of society? I really don't know... Personally, I would like a combination of both, both being a total rake or a total ideal lover does not work for me.


I like Recipes, I like cooking, putting the ingredients together and cook them. Seduction is pretty much the same, you create a dish that people will enjoy eating, and feel satisfied afterwards. Then, they will want more, they remember how good it was.

If you understand good food, you'd understand seduction. In seduction, the dish is you. HA HA.

Ok, so to start off, a dish is an idea. You need yourself to be an idea, you need identity and you need to have a character. For me, I have a natural style of seduction, and my active and default seduction style is the charmer. This is my combo, by standard idea of what I have to offer.

Here is a short description of all the seduction styles suggested by Robert Greene [wikipedia.org]. So, for my style, I am combining the two --
    5. The Natural: Childhood is the golden paradise we are always consciously or unconsciously trying to re-create. The Natural embodies the longed-for qualities of childhood — spontaneity, sincerity, unpretentiousness. In the presence of Naturals, we feel at ease, caught up in their playful spirit, transported back to that golden age. Naturals also make a virtue out of weakness, eliciting our sympathy for their trials, making us want to protect them and help them. As with a child, much of this is natural, but some of it is exaggerated, a conscious seductive maneuver. Adopt the pose of the Natural to neutralize people's natural defensiveness and infect them with helpless delight.

    7. The Charmer: Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators, masking their cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their method is simple: they deflect attention from themselves and focus it on their target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods. In the presence of a Charmer you feel better about yourself. Charmers do not argue or fight, complain or pester — what could be more seductive? By drawing you in with their indulgence they make you dependent on them, and their power grows. Learn to cast the Charmer's spell by aiming at people's primary weaknesses: vanity and self-esteem.
This is what I am working on right now. It is specifically targetted to specific, small scale interactions. I am developing my seduction method on a mass scale, which is a blend of the Charismatic and the Coquette.
    6. The Coquette: The ability to delay satisfaction is the ultimate art of seduction — while waiting, the victim is held in thrall. Coquettes are the grand masters of this game, orchestrating a back-and-forth movement between hope and frustration. They bait with the promise of reward — the hope of physical pleasure, happiness, fame by association, power — which, however, proves elusive; yet this only makes their targets pursue them the more. Coquettes seem totally self-sufficient: they do not need you, they seem to say, and their narcissism proves devilishly attractive. You want to conquer them but they hold the cards. The strategy of the Coquette is never to offer total satisfaction. Imitate the alternating heat and coolness of the Coquette and you will keep the seduced at your heels.

    8. The Charismatic: Charisma is a presence that excites us. It comes from an inner quality — self-confidence, sexual energy, sense of purpose, contentment — that most people lack and want. This quality radiates outward, permeating the gestures of Charismatics, making them seem extraordinary and superior, and making us imagine there is more to them than meets the eye: they are gods, saints, stars. Charismatics can learn to heighten their charisma with a piercing gaze, fiery oratory, an air of mystery. They can seduce on a grand scale. Learn to create the charismatic illusion by radiating intensity while remaining detached.
I do this because simply being a natural and charming is non sustainable and this is especially true over a large number of people. e.g., Being nice to everyone lessen their feeling of being special. Beeing attentive all the time will make them take you for granted. They are good energies to give impressions, lure them into you, but terrible for management. I see that the coquette is a natural extension into the management side of seduction for my natural style and that charisma is a natural progression from charm.

Structure for Charm

Charm involves: Vibing, Calibration and great conversations

In order to vibe and calibrate, you need an identify. Lets look at vibing first -- Vibing is about sending out a good vibe, at a frequencies that appeals to your target. What does this mean? Well, it means you are expressing an idea, an identify. And thats why it is important to have an identity. Next, calibration -- calibration is to tune into your target so that you and her are at the same level, connecting. To tune in, you need input/output feedbacks, which means you need to send out signals before frequencies from her is attuned to yours, and hence calibration. Once again, an identity is important, without it, you cannot possibly get it to works.

Now, vibing is kinda easy because you are just expressing yourself, you are showing off, you are performing. This technique is non-target specific and so all you have to do is something general. But once you have targets identified, you need to calibrate. How do you calibrate? The way I do it is by having the right attitude (or frame) -- loving people in general, being interested in them, and appreciating them. Its as simple as that! By having those attitudes, or mindframes, you are naturally driven to calibrate with them. Its THAT easy!

Now, you are involved in an interaction. The requirement for success in this stage is to be totally committed. Your appraoch cannot be half arsed. Commit yourself to the interaction, commit to commit her to the interaction. You don't take no as an answer -- You are determined to get her into a good mood, good mindframe.

Once you are committed, your implementation of the interaction depends on your conversational skills. Which is something I am still developing.

Other things about Charm: To perform charm, you do not necessarily take these elements one at a time. It is not linear. In fact, it is probably most effective if you merge them into one thing, all happening at the same time -- they reinforce each other. In addition, charm shall be the norm of your life, it should be constant. If not continuously improving.

The effect of charm is kinda short lived. Its potency wears off as you extend your interaction with people. Fundamentally, you cannot really charm a person who already know you really well. Charm is designed to create and reinforce an image, an identity, but not sustaining it. This doesn't mean that you should stop charming, what I mean is, you need something else to compliment charm for sustaining interest.

Charm is kinda very surfaced, it is not meant for escalation (of interest). It is mainly used for anchoring yourself with good frames, create comfort and connection. It is designed to minimise small talk, take you straight to the emotions.